1.

I read once that the sound level in the passenger cabin of airliners is scientifically designed to give a consistant "airline experiance" to sooth the tattered nerves of the unfortunate souls who find themselves trapped in the sealed pressure vessel, not unlike the San Quentin gas chamber, filled with irritating children with Game Boys and the airsick elderly. This is much the same as how your allocation of mustard on your McBurger is the same in Duluth as it is in Tierra Del Fuego. Comforting.

"Just another way the airlines mess with your head" I thought as I fumbled with the controls on my Gulf Air business class fully reclining vibrating seat featuring a personal entertainment centre. I thought that was the vibrating system.

Fully reclined, the seat was oddly cozy but I wouldn't be down here for long. My hand was gently trembling on the "Lo" setting as I reached along the second tier of the service cart over the warm cans of flat Coke into the tray where they kept the bourbon. Empty! Damn! The cart sped away so quickly I was lucky to get away with the minor injury I did let alone get the chance to check for gin.

It looked like things were hoppin' back in the smoking section where the cart and nearly half my arm was headed. They seemed a rather vulgar lot; joking, laughing, pretending to have a good time, all the while not realizing that unsynchronized vibration causes a condition known as fretting corrosion on fasteners in stressed skin eventually leading to failure and there were probably 50 passengers with a certain contented grin in my section alone pulsing to different beats just humming along the friendly skies. Who could blame the smoking section for drinking all the whiskey.

My arm started throbbing with a deep joint pain and I was certain it was a pressure drop from shearing rivets but instead it was the band on the Rolex watch I had gotten a good price on in Rio cutting off the circulation in my already traumatized hand. I wish I had remembered those seditives I got from the vet when my dog had surgery. It was going to be a long trip to Dubai. But why? Dubai? A Woman.